Legalized/Mandatory Gay Marriage

The marriage of homosexuals has recently become legal in four additional states of America. Washington, Main, Maryland and Minnesota have all passed the bill and though I’m sure there was much support, the ones responding the loudest were the hundreds of citizens labeled ‘homophobes’ on twitter.

Here are the prime examples of the digital generation expressing distaste:

Sir "Stress and Rage" is a modern man of morals and values disheartened by his brother's disgraces.


Mister Omar knows what it is like to be an unappreciated minority. He is a middle-easterner and a straight man in a country where only gay whites are valued.

Poor Shelby found sanctuary in a state that would allow her to marry her first cousin. She is not about to let that be tarnished by homosexuals being wed.

I am concerned now that the public has become misinformed. Due to the sheer volume of resistance and resentment in these messages one can only theorize that this stems from confusion. I worry that these 'defenders of integrity' have fallen under the false impression that homosexual marriage has become mandatory.

The people may have come to understand that in Maine, Maryland, Minnesota and Washington it is not mandatory to be homosexual and to be married to a person of the same sex. I admit, if such a bill had been passed that ordered everyone to pair up with their unfavored gender and express common stereotypes, perhaps I too would be concerned and cautious.

"They might not seem like much one at a time, but in a group, all riled up and hungry? Man you watch your ass."
-Morgan, The Walking Dead, Regarding Gays
(or zombies?)

To be fair, it is difficult to appreciate any sexuality's public displays of affection when social ignorance has lead to a life of celibacy.

 Regardless of the twitter-opinions of these obviously very (un)informed individuals, gay marriage is legal in four additional states this year and there is no sign of a reprieve. As the acceptance of homosexuality continues to gain a foothold in America, these people have limited choices.

They can learn to be tolerant and only hate (be annoyed by) homosexuals that are out of the closet.

Only holding bias against homosexuals that he can identify as homosexuals must have sounded like a far more generous compromise in his mind.

Alternatively, they can fight back by investigating the source of homosexuality that scientists have been seeking for years. The question as to whether it is in our genes or in our upbringing remained a mystery until the young up and coming Sir DrugLane discovered the source of homosexuality.

Whether you identified as homosexual or not your familure to "re-tweet" this post has made you susceptible to homosexuality, inform your partners and have them tested immediately.

With the source of homosexuality discovered, they can now seek the cure. Miss Haley (a.k.a. hugs and kisses²) suggests to cure men from literally "loving your fellow man" by means of excessive violence.

Homophobics of America cut spending in the "logic" department and hoped unemployed mothers would figure out a cure.

These people will likely forget their cause soon and go back to their lives with little more resistance than a sulky countenance. However, with 20% of the "United" States supporting homosexual marriage and 80% of the states yet to be claimed by the gay agenda, there will undoubtedly be many more of these short lived and sour uprisings of the uninformed.

To those concerned about how to these rights may affect your life and marriage simply remember, gay marriage is now legal, not mandatory.

Knight Rights

I have been encouraged to read the debates on the civil rights of homosexuals while replacing the word "gays" with my own name. This is to remind that gays are people and the arguments are made on how these people live their lives.

This challenge was meant to be moving and emotional. But as I read the list I could only consider it incredibly fitting and humorous at best.

"Knight should not be allowed to marry."
In the adult world of exclusive clubs that only allow two members (possibly 5 if you are Mormon), Knight is not allowed to participate. I can only visualize wedding limousines driving away with streamers and cans on string, with a sign in the back window that says "No Knights Allowed".

"Knight would not be a good parent."
If you wish to disagree with this, review my journals once more and consider these adventures with a young child clutching my hand. I have no doubt the child I raise would be happy, it is in fact society that would suffer if I spawned and raised a member of the next generation to follow in my footsteps.

"Knight can only raise more Knights."
Procreation is easily confused with spawning and direct cloning, from the government's perspective.

"Knight does not love, it is only lust."
How mysterious and brooding does this make me sound? And I appreciate that the debate made sure to mention that I still have sexual needs, my lack of love does not mean I am off the market, only that I am hard to get. Ladies.

"If Knight can marry, we should just let people marry animals."
I am almost completely certain this debate implies I am a tiger. Watch out, Ladies.

"Knight is what is wrong with this country."
We took a sharp turn from describing Knight as a brooding and mysterious sex tiger to declaring me as the singular flaw that makes this country wrong. Perhaps the compliment is hidden in the fact Knight is apparently very influential to have such impact.

"Knight is what is destroying the Western World."

I'm concerned that Congress is merely attempting to seduce me with such compliments overestimating my power and strength. Congress is writing a check that I cannot cash. How can one read "Knight, Destroyer of Worlds" and picture me bringing a country to its knees when I can barely do the same for my crush? This debate is certainly expecting more than what I can live up to.

"Knight is what destroyed the Roman Empire."
I would at this point declare that the debate has greatly overestimated the limitations of my power, but this could be based loosely on a fact. I am fairly certain I reduced a  Roman city's thriving population to 3 prostitutes and 4 donkeys while editing an article on Wikipedia one evening.

"Being Knight is a choice."
Indubitably the best choice I have ever made.


This is the most fun I have had with politics in a long time. It is wondrous that Mad Lib politics has not yet been created. So I shall consider it my duty to bring you additional articles of interest, with words replaced with more interesting words. However, firstly, I have a Ming Dynasty to destroy in the name of Knight.

Try to understand. It is a lifestyle.