Wednesday, January 9, 2013

Fathers

 +Share if you love your father whether he is still here or not!

Circulating on the internet I have seen an image shared many times. It depicts a child through the years and how their impression of their father changes from love to apathy to dependency to love once more.

I find this depiction impractical. If we are going to share images depicting unlikely Father/child relations why not depict the families that do need support?

+Share if you were raised by your Mom and when she passed away the Doctor/ Coroner informed you she was actually a man the entire time, making you realize you had a Dad all along but leaving you with absolutely no clue who your Mother is!


+Share if your Dad, Superman, impregnated your Mom, Louis, and then disappeared from the entire planet!

I suppose that last one really only works for Jon Kent. If those options are too unusual there are other Fathers types for us to make sharing media for.

+Share if  your father was under the influence of self medication for your entire adolescent life and raised you to embrace a heavy dependency on drugs and alcohol to continue the failing health legacy generation after generation!







+Share if you've never met your father because your mother is a bit of a slut and "Dad" has been an ongoing fantasy of some day meeting your favorite action hero and instantly being accepted and loved and having your need for a stable male role model finally filled!

Perhaps people belonging to these groups is not something these people are particularly proud of. Perhaps they do not share such posts out of shame and humiliation. Very well, I can accept that... But I insist that some people at least share more realistic Father/child views.













+Share if you recognize the natural human cycle that you will never love your Dad as much as he loves you but it's okay because you'll understand how he feels once your kids grow up and leave you the way you left him!

Who made the original post that was supposed to be taken seriously anyways? There is no way the person could be speaking from previous experience because I highly doubt there are 70 year old bloggers seeking shares online.


Proper Use of Offensive Terms


We live in a very easy to offend society and simultaniously very offensive society. There are people using terms to describe unpleasant or distasteful things with a derogatory statement of "That's gay" or "that's retarded" or "She's just so... black" [quote "Baby Got Back, courtesy Sir Mix-A-Lot.]

To help people in this troubling time, I have included improper uses of these words as examples of situations to avoid; and proper uses ofthese words as examples to emulate.


Gay:

Improper use,
"I stayed in last night and watched a movie with my girlfriend."
"That's gay."
Proper use,
"I forgot about guy night because I was fondling my boyfriend."
"That's gay."

Improper use,
"I prepared a gourmet salad with fresh organic ingredients!"
"That's gay"

Proper use, 
"I had sex with that cucumber and pretended it was Niel Patrick Harris."
"That's gay."






Retarded:

Improper use, 
"For the upcoming fiscal year I will invest money in cigarettes. Either this generation dies young but I become wildly successful, or this generation lives a long and healthy life and I make a trivial amount of money."
"You're retarded."
Proper use,
 "Guhhh.... My fingers smell like money which is impopable because mom doesn't let me eat money anymore."
"You're retarded."





Black:

Improper use, "I spent all day hustlin! I'm covered in chains and ice!"
"You're so black."

Proper use, "I spent all day working in a coal mine. I'm covered in carbon deposits!"
"You're so black!"





Woman:
Improper use,
 "Ouch! I just hurt my back lifting this bag!"
"You're such a woman."
Proper use,
"Ouch! I just hurt my back lifting my massive breasts!"
"You're such a woman."

Improper use, 
"Long hair makes me feel attractive."
"You're such a woman."
Proper use, 
"Long hair draws attention to my estrogen laden features and emphasizes a soft feminine quality to my countenance."
"You're such a woman."