How to Make People Think You Aren't Shallow

A Shallow Human's Guide To Being Not Shallow At All:
Making people think you aren't shallow.

Generally, people are shallow creatures that are concerned with the immediately visible traits of a potential interest. Humans fantasize about having a beautiful partner on their arm and when they come across an old lover they can say "I didn't see you there, I apologize I was simply so distracted with my new beautiful lover."

However, humans are also concerned with our own appearance socially. "Shallow" has equated to being less intelligent, because you must be stupid to be captivated with the beauty of a goddess. The notion that being shallow is bad is actually a grand scheme devised by ugly women.

Women insist that they are all unique and special snowflakes. The fact is that the majority of women are "average" and another great portion of women are "unnattractive" and only an elite group are truly beautiful. The lesser women have grouped together and created the law that if you are shallow, you are a dirty dirty boy and women will shun you. The women believe that they are all beautiful in their own way and if you are not interested in them you are simply not deep enough to understand their beauty and so you have commited a serious crime of being shallow.

It is important to make people believe you are not shallow at all, while continuing to date the women of your dreams. Luckily, there are deeper attachments to nearly every shallow feature.

Now that we have that down we can move onto how to address shallow issues in a deeper way.

I only date skinny girls. Instead say:  I prefer athletic girls that take care of their bodies, it is a huge turn on for me when a girl eats right and exorcizes appropriately.
I'm sorry, you're too fat for me. Instead say: No, it's not that you're fat. I find your slothful behavior disgusting, your food portions are repugnant and your body is a consistent reminder of how little you care about your health. I cannot bear to watch you do this to yourself a moment longer, I must go.

I only date girls close to my age. Instead say: I like girls that share my love for particular child hood memories of saturday cartoons we grew up with.
I'm sorry, you're too young for me.  Instead say: You aren't old enough to go to any of my favorite clubs, how are we supposed to bond?
I'm sorry, you're too old for me. Instead say: You find all of my new age pop music offensive when I try to serenade you with meaningful lyrics, how are we supposed to express our love?
I only date blonde haired girls. Instead say: I like girls that have a bright look about them, sunny and friendly, something welcoming and conventional.
I'm sorry, your hair is too dark for me. Instead say: I support a mainstream part of society that values Anglo-saxon heritage and features. It is fine if you don't wish to participate in this culture, but it is an important part of my life symbolized by thick and beautiful blonde hair.

I only date girls with nice boobs. Instead say: I appreciate a girl who does what it takes to keep every part of her body youthful and attractive.
I'm sorry, your boobs are far too saggy for me. Instead say: It seems that you don't consider the long term effects of misusing tools. Your consistent lack of bra wearing to the point of your breasts hanging to your waist is a warning to me that you will fail to commit to caring for other things in your possession.

I only date women with a lot of money. Instead say: Women with career and life plans who budget well and know how to handle their assets are exciting and alluring.
I'm sorry, you are too poor for me. Instead say: You spend irresponsibly and you don't work hard enough to increase your value as a working person, this lack of dedication is an incompatible flaw that will divide us.

I only date women that (don't) follow (Religion). Instead say: How a woman defines her moral rock and lives her life is an important aspect of judging our compatibility.
I'm sorry, you are too religious for me. Instead say: I feel that you do not correspond to logic in the same was that I do and I fear that you will judge me harshly when you feel I am wrong and intend to upset me by telling me your imaginary friend also believes I am wrong.

Hopefully these will be enough to start you off on finding the girl you're interested in dating. Remind yourself, most of the time women are just accusing you of being shallow instead of crediting your ability to value her priorities and personality based on her appearance and how she conducts herself.

Unless you really are a shallow person and you'll reject a person because you like slate gray eyes and the person that loves you has pale blue eyes. In that case, just stay single. But if you're that type of shallow that is looking for someone beautiful to make an old lover jealous, then you should probably hire someone beautiful to pretend to love you and your precocious jealous nature.

~Knight

The Knight Hasn't Any Manners

A person once commented, "You're clever and educated, you understand the details of etiquette, but you still choose to yawn openly and scratch yourself in church." I would have quoted them more accurately but at the time I was distracted with how much I did not want to be in a church.

Essentially, the belief is that I could be a well behaved person, if it suited my interests.

I think we all need to take a look at ourselves and consider what obedient little drones of society we could be if we were all impervious to the pain of boredom. How many times have you stared into a date’s kind eyes and as they leaned towards you, eyes fluttering shut, you briefly wondered “Is this supposed to be romantic? Well I suppose a kind person would kiss them back…” And of those times, how often have you leaned to the side and watched as they blindly try to find your lips, before you shatter their romantic scene by licking the inside of their ear?

·         If you have never licked a girl’s ear when she was leaning in for a kiss, you are probably better behaved than I am.

·         If you have never sniffed a person’s hair to identify the brand of shampoo  while the person was venting about their tragic day, you are probably better behaved than me.

·         And lastly, if you have never told a girl she’s remarkably worthless except for sex after she’s agreed to have sex with you, then you’re probably better behaved than me.

•       Or you just incredibly desperate and you don’t want to mess up any possible shots you have at making love to a woman so you fake being a sincere and genuine human.

Many are better behaved than I, but some also claim to be better people than the person I am.  I think these people take themselves far too seriously, truth be told.