The Screaming Violin

My mate and I had a good deal of time on our hands when we discovered a violin amidst the moving boxes. The bow was falling apart and needed to be restrung, and the strings as well were showing the signs of neglect and needed replacement.

Generally I am advised that showing your appreciation for a musical instrument by touching the strings is like showing your appreciation for a person by touching their eyes. However in this case, little could be done to damage the strings any worse so I was permitted to play with them as I saw fit.

I soon orchestrated a game between myself and my mate. At various hours when it was least expected, I would take up the violin and bow and find a clever place to hide. And then I would play...

I would saw passionately at the violin. The old strings would obey me as best as they could but they could emit nothing more melodious than a piercing and consistent scream. And so the violin did scream and the voice tore through the house and reached my mate through whatever distraction took priority earlier.

My mate would be forced to come and seek me out and come closer to the scream of the violin to find where I hid. I had a few favorite places, behind the coat rack, inside the shower, behind the door, under the bed, and so on.

I would gleefully continue playing until pulled from my hiding spot and relieved of my instrument. The game was great fun and it made me smile to hear the pitter-patter of a tortured soul running through the house in search of the violin.

The game came to an abrupt end the day my mate took the violin, returned it to it's case and locked it shut with a key. I've recently been looking at violins available to me to purchase and I'm considering reintroducing this little game.

Knight Rights

I have been encouraged to read the debates on the civil rights of homosexuals while replacing the word "gays" with my own name. This is to remind that gays are people and the arguments are made on how these people live their lives.

This challenge was meant to be moving and emotional. But as I read the list I could only consider it incredibly fitting and humorous at best.

"Knight should not be allowed to marry."
In the adult world of exclusive clubs that only allow two members (possibly 5 if you are Mormon), Knight is not allowed to participate. I can only visualize wedding limousines driving away with streamers and cans on string, with a sign in the back window that says "No Knights Allowed".

"Knight would not be a good parent."
If you wish to disagree with this, review my journals once more and consider these adventures with a young child clutching my hand. I have no doubt the child I raise would be happy, it is in fact society that would suffer if I spawned and raised a member of the next generation to follow in my footsteps.

"Knight can only raise more Knights."
Procreation is easily confused with spawning and direct cloning, from the government's perspective.

"Knight does not love, it is only lust."
How mysterious and brooding does this make me sound? And I appreciate that the debate made sure to mention that I still have sexual needs, my lack of love does not mean I am off the market, only that I am hard to get. Ladies.

"If Knight can marry, we should just let people marry animals."
I am almost completely certain this debate implies I am a tiger. Watch out, Ladies.

"Knight is what is wrong with this country."
We took a sharp turn from describing Knight as a brooding and mysterious sex tiger to declaring me as the singular flaw that makes this country wrong. Perhaps the compliment is hidden in the fact Knight is apparently very influential to have such impact.

"Knight is what is destroying the Western World."

I'm concerned that Congress is merely attempting to seduce me with such compliments overestimating my power and strength. Congress is writing a check that I cannot cash. How can one read "Knight, Destroyer of Worlds" and picture me bringing a country to its knees when I can barely do the same for my crush? This debate is certainly expecting more than what I can live up to.

"Knight is what destroyed the Roman Empire."
I would at this point declare that the debate has greatly overestimated the limitations of my power, but this could be based loosely on a fact. I am fairly certain I reduced a  Roman city's thriving population to 3 prostitutes and 4 donkeys while editing an article on Wikipedia one evening.

"Being Knight is a choice."
Indubitably the best choice I have ever made.


This is the most fun I have had with politics in a long time. It is wondrous that Mad Lib politics has not yet been created. So I shall consider it my duty to bring you additional articles of interest, with words replaced with more interesting words. However, firstly, I have a Ming Dynasty to destroy in the name of Knight.

Try to understand. It is a lifestyle.