What to Expect When Buying a House

As you enter the market as a first time home buyer, you are likely to face trials and hardships unlike those faced previously in your life. These challenges will be greater, larger, as large as a house in fact. The challenge is the house.

An accurate representation of discovering the house of your dreams. Upon closer inspection you notice the other interested buyers checking the hearth and you resentfully turn your back and leave, muttering under your breath that this house is nothing but a harlot (or perhaps bordello would be more suitable for such metaphor?).



First you will shop for a house and you will find it easier than shopping for a date. You are allowed to be shallow and disregard a house for her manicured lawn, shaggy carpets, outdated piping. You also don't need to wait for a house to be 18 to make a move, which makes the entire process easier as well.

After a long day of searching, you will inevitably discover her, the house of your dreams. She is wide in all the right places and when you roll into the garage it is a perfect fit. Whoever she was with previously had horrible tastes and has adorned the walls with terrible colors, her carpet does not match her drapes.

However, you are certain she'll change for you, you know that you can make this work. You keep a casual air about you, not wanting to seem desperate, but you listen keenly to the details of the house's history.

You leave at a respectable hour and you play hard-to-get for a few days. When the desire is too great, you pounce with the vigor of a wild animal upon your realtor. You passionately declare that you must have her (the house of your dreams) at all costs! Except in truth, you admit, not at ALL costs. You are reasonable, after-all, and you are pretty sure you can ask for a lower price considering the neglected lawn and some general maintenance required.

You sign a disheartening amount of papers that remind you that this isn't all passion and youth, this is a legally binding commitment. With one more gaze upon your house, you know she is worth it and you drive forward, signing your name everywhere and leaving no line unmarked! Then you sign the papers again as the realtor explains you only sign on the lines labeled "buyer".

Suddenly, you have become the hopeless romantic gazing at the house's listing on the internet, waiting for that call. Fear not, the call will come, and you will be informed that you did not get the house. You do not feel the impact of this news right away, until you realize there is no consolation prize, such as the house's less attractive but really sturdy best friend house.

You are left with nothing and you have the unique sensation of knowing how it feels to be rejected by a house. Or perhaps your offer has been rejected by the bank that owns the house, which metaphorically speaking, functions as the house's conservative parents who don't think you are good enough for their little investment.

Both rejections are insulting in different ways. You try to find ways to distract yourself, but you are pestered by reminders from your apartment's leasing office to renew your lease, forcing you to prolong a failing relationship another month while you look for "the one".

My final word on the matter is that there are no sad love songs about houses to console you. Not even in the country genre.