I Think You're Lying To Me

You may have intended to be honest... but... I think you're lying to me...

There are many times in my life when there are elaborate debates, compromises or wordy responses that are necessary for the event that has been presented before me. But sometimes, as rare as it may be, I will stare at a situation and the only response I can muster is, "I think you're lying to me."

For example, I was entertaining the company of an obnoxious young woman with poorly treated hair resembling the hair pulled from a shower drain, slicked with grease onto her face. Her looks were unfavorable but her personality was far worse, and she declared "I hate men, they're always hitting on me and trying to get me to marry them." To which I could only respond,

 "I think you're lying to me."

A friend of mine was lamenting that he 'never gets the girl' and when I suggested that he may have better luck if he asked out girls that are available, he responded "Single or available means nothing to me, because girls used to cheat on their boyfriends all the time just to get with me, they wanted me so bad, and I know how to give them what they want." To which I could only respond,

"I think you're lying to me."

A classmate of mine that often battled with her body shape and appearance began excitedly telling me how many pounds she'd lost during that week, "10 pounds on Monday, 5 pounds on Tuesday, 7 pounds on Wednesday, 4 pounds on Thursday, and 5 pounds today. It's really starting to show." To which I could only respond, 

"I think you're lying to me."

It is not always a story that requires context. Sometimes just a simple statement you hear made in your vicinity will garner the same response.

"White makes most people look fat, but I always look good in white."

"I think you're lying to me."

"In this photo, I really look like Beyonce."

"I think you're lying to me."

"Don't worry, you look great in that!"

"I think you're lying to me."

"It's not you, it's me." 

"I think you're lying to me."

"Nah, that's just a cold sore."

"I think you're lying to me."

"Trust me, I know what I'm doing."

"I think you're lying to me."

" I'm a professional."

"I think you're lying to me."

"I know you want me."

"I think you're lying to me."

At times the situation doesn't even require a full statement. A simple photograph or image that you come across will do the trick. Observe.

"I think you're lying to me..."

 "..."

 This phrase is so accurately the best response to many situations that might otherwise require you to tenderly remove a glove and strike the being the spawns such annoyances. Prepare yourself to respond to the various questionable statements you'll come across and practice on what is most likely to be the next lie you'll hear...