An Embarrassing Collection of Adult Films

 When I came of the year 17 I learned that I was of the appropriate age to buy and rent NC-17 films from the neighborhood film rental establishment. The building was closing out of business, and recognizing this could be my last chance, I bought several films from their discount adult section.

Upon arriving home with my stash I took a moment to read through the descriptions on the backs of these films. I’m not sure exactly what I was expecting. Perhaps I believed that my age would open a gateway to a new world of filmography that would open my mind, expand my thoughts and excite me on primal levels.

Instead, I found that this neighborhood film establishment was a family friendly business and had a very different understanding of adult entertainment than what I had been lead to believe.

Billy Elliot – I collected this film after a brief glance at the name. I have heard of both the esteemed auto-racer Bill Elliot as well as the rock musician Bill Elliot and I was certain this film, in the adult section, would have some form of explosions or terrific death. Instead it had dancing. Billy Elliot is the story of a young boy who wished to become a ballerina.

 He and I shared the same expression...

Cowboys & Angels – Yet another title that pulled me in only to surprise me when the film featured neither cowboys nor angels, at least, not in a literal sense. The film takes place in Ireland, a straight man and a homosexual man begin living with each other. Things become "complicated" when the straight mate begins dealing drugs for the money to impress his room mate.

The homosexual fellow engages in unwilling coitus with a Lesbian and the "heterosexual" fellow above receives fellatio from a homosexual drug dealer. We learn that the moral of the story is that whatever it is you want in life, you actually want a partner with a penis.

Wilde – This film pertains in no way to the Wild West or the dirty scoundrels that once ruled that frontier, or the ruthless men in polished coats that used sharp pens and minds to claim the land and rule with their money. The lead himself is not a wild man either in any way, flamboyant perhaps, but indeed not wild. This story follows the literary artist Oscar Wilde and his homosexual affair which leads to his imprisonment and exile making this undoubtedly the most depressing and the most homosexual of the films I picked up.

 There was a lot of these tender bits going on, and I do believe I have never seen Jude Law so convincingly homosexual. Even in his role as Doctor John Watson in the latest Sherlock film... Hold on, Stephen Fry (Oscar Wilde) portrayed Mycroft holmes in that film, did he not? Is this screen capture above from Wilde or Sherlock? Oh perhaps it's neither and this is an intimate glimpse of these actors from behind the scenes.

I should stop here, as it is commonly believed that if someone makes the same mistake 3 times, it is likely not a mistake. It is best that you believe the peculiar films of my collection ends with this. 

Needless to say, these films still sit on my shelf, if for no reason other than my own stubborn nature. They are trophies of my 17^th year and my freedom to purchase whichever films I desire! But it is difficult to explain that reasoning while sounding honest, when a mate pulls the film from the shelf and sends me a questioning look.