Blasphemy

A story as magical as the creation of man deserves nothing less than an artistic portrayal to express what so many gentiles loyally worship.


The one known as "God" promptly got to work, gathered supplies and started creating. He turned on the lights so that he could see what he was doing and called this day of progress Day 1.

Day 2 became the day of the big drink. When making arts and crafts it is important to remain hydrated. Day 3 he drank most of the Ocean and the Earth rock was poking through again, but he considered this progress and said he created this dry land, good job, God.

By Day 4 he realized no one was keeping track of the amount of time that passed because it took him until now to create the Sun and the Moon and stars. So he quickly assembled those as well and got them spinning then informed everyone he'd certainly been working 4 days now. Who are we to think God wouldn't keep reliable records of his work shift?

Day 5 He created animals and of course on Day 6 He created the humans and Day 7 He refused to cease telling all of the angels how awesome they were.

God elaborated on the superior nature of the creatures, "I created them in my image. They look just like me, don't they?"

The Angels reluctantly nodded, keeping to themselves how much the humans looked like primates with mange or Alopecia Areata.

God ran to the kitchen, declaring, "I shall display my art all across the refrigerator so that everybody can see!"

The Angels averted their gaze and held their tongues, but the most beautiful angel of all, Lucifer, was beginning to be very annoyed.

God then announced, "It has been decided, I shall make 6 Billion of these humans and I shall cover the Earth with them! Are they not simply the most amazing creation ever?"

Lucifer then spoke, "God, you are a giant Twat. These humans are a plague."

With rage and fury God stamped his feet and flung his hands. He cried and insisted that this was a horrible and vile lie meant to hurt him and demanded that Lucifer take it back. God, in his infinite wisdom understood that he had not yet invented constructive criticism and being God, everything he made was absolutely perfect and he could not possibly do wrong, so how dare Lucifer question his creation. He expressed to Lucifer his pained disappointment.

God created the burning depths of hell and hurled Lucifer into it's depths. And because God is most certainly not a spoiled child or opinionated or at all unstable, we can wholly agree that our loving father, God, is grand and merciful and Lucifer is the most horrible evil thing that ever existed (despite also being created by God...)

An Almost Ghost

Understandably there are varying degrees of belief when it comes to the paranormal and supernatural. Some believe that ghosts are here to hurt us, others believe that the ghosts are present because we first hurt them. I personally believe that my injuries acquired in almost interactions with ghosts, are entirely caused by myself.

A recent injury to my body and my pride was the result from speaking of a ghost known for searching for her lost child. This apparition is said to be angry and emotional as well as irrational. She lashes out due to the loss of her child, and she is angered by anyone who she perceives has neglected aiding her search for her kin.

The image of her grey rotting skin, matted hair and blood swollen eyes was a stain on my mind no matter how I told myself "Even in the event of ghosts... logically speaking she has no reason to lash out against me."

 
On a quiet morning, I awoke to leave my dwelling place very early, before the sun had risen. I cautiously opened the front door and stared out past the stairs stretching over my door, at the dark landscape. A single street lamp was the only source of light out doors. It was quiet that morning.

I stepped out and began to lock the door after fumbling with my keys. As the door clicked I heard the unmistakeable tap of feet on the path behind me. Afraid to look over my shoulder, I looked upon the door in front of me.

The street lamp was casting my motionless shadow on the door. The brief attempt at comforting myself vanished as the foot steps grew closer and a shadow raised up behind my own, stretching over the height of the door as though a great beast loomed over me.

I quickly attempted to flee the possible assailant and I threw myself forcefully on the door. The locked door did not give way to my tackle and instead bounced me back without remorse. I briefly scratched and beat at the door as I wailed my would be last words.

"Stop! Stop! No!" the rest of my message trailed off in a pained whine.

I fell to my knees, still pressed firmly to the door, and I finally glanced back at the approaching apparition...

My neighbor stands motionless on the stairs previously mentioned to be placed over my door. The light behind him on the path sends a long dark shadow through the slats in the stairs, cloaking my door in the mass of his shadow.

We stare at each other in a long quiet pause, regarding each other in silent recognition. He finally speaks, "A little jumpy this morning."

I grasp my door handle and lift myself to my feet, "It would seem so..." I respond in a dignified tone.

"Perhaps, less coffee." he offers as a remedy to my panic.

I pull my keys free from the lock and clear my throat, "Hopefully so." I answer. We break our gaze and depart, releasing the other to their agenda.

He resumed his day with the mental image of his easily startled neighbor fleeing from a shadow. And I resumed my own day with the triumphant knowledge that I had survived an almost ghost sighting.