Proper Use of Offensive Terms

We live in a very easy to offend society and simultaniously very offensive society. There are people using terms to describe unpleasant or distasteful things with a derogatory statement of "That's gay" or "that's retarded" or "She's just so... black" [quote "Baby Got Back, courtesy Sir Mix-A-Lot.]

To help people in this troubling time, I have included improper uses of these words as examples of situations to avoid; and proper uses ofthese words as examples to emulate.


Gay:

Improper use,
"I stayed in last night and watched a movie with my girlfriend."
"That's gay."
Proper use,
"I forgot about guy night because I was fondling my boyfriend."
"That's gay."

Improper use,
"I prepared a gourmet salad with fresh organic ingredients!"
"That's gay"

Proper use, 
"I had sex with that cucumber and pretended it was Niel Patrick Harris."
"That's gay."

Retarded:

Improper use, 
"For the upcoming fiscal year I will invest money in cigarettes. Either this generation dies young but I become wildly successful, or this generation lives a long and healthy life and I make a trivial amount of money."
"You're retarded."
Proper use,
 "Guhhh.... My fingers smell like money which is impopable because mom doesn't let me eat money anymore."
"You're retarded."

Black:

Improper use, "I spent all day hustlin! I'm covered in chains and ice!"
"You're so black."

Proper use, "I spent all day working in a coal mine. I'm covered in carbon deposits!"
"You're so black!"

Woman:
Improper use,
 "Ouch! I just hurt my back lifting this bag!"
"You're such a woman."
Proper use,
"Ouch! I just hurt my back lifting my massive breasts!"
"You're such a woman."

Improper use, 
"Long hair makes me feel attractive."
"You're such a woman."
Proper use, 
"Long hair draws attention to my estrogen laden features and emphasizes a soft feminine quality to my countenance."
"You're such a woman."